Must Kill KavanaughAgain!
by Shorty McGee
Summary: Now it is Rodney's turn to deal with Kavanaugh! What will happen?


I am hoping that I can get back to Return of the Merry Prankster now that this is out of the way! Please review! It encourages me to write.

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Rodney was whistling. He was having a great day. He was having dinner with Jennifer later and as almost done with his work. He was putting the last things together when Kavanaugh came in. The annoying scientist sat on a chair and turned on some music.

The sound that came out of the player wasn't what Rodney would have called music, but he wasn't going to let Kavanaugh get the better of him.

'Did you ever think, when you eat Chinese

It ain't pork or chicken, but a fat Siamese?

Yet the food tastes great, so you don't complain.

But that's not chicken in your chicken chow mein.

Seems to me I ordered sweet-and-sour pork

But Garfield's on my fork.

He's purrin' here on my fork.'

Rodney's hands made fists, but he was going to let the poor excuse for a human, if Kavanaugh was one, drive him out of the lab. He was going to finish and meet Jennifer. He would outlast Kavanaugh if it was the last thing he did. The chorus started. He gritted his teeth. It couldn't last forever and he could sit through a song. He could rub it in to Radek afterward.

'There's a cat in the kettle at the Peking Moon

The place I eat every day at noon.

They can feed you cat and you'll never know

Once they wrap it up in dough, boy.

They fry it real crisp in dough.'

Rodney was disgusted. What was wrong with Kavanaugh? Did he actually like this crap, or was he some sort of closet narcissist? Or perhaps a serial killer? Rodney had heard somewhere that serial killers started with animals. He tried his best to ignore the music, and it continued to play.

'Chou Lin asked if I wanted more

As he was dialin' up his buddy at the old pet store.

I said "Not today. I lost my appitite.

There's two cats in my belly and they want to fight."

I was suckin' on a Rolaids and a Tums or two

When I swear I heard it mew, boys

And that is when I knew.'

Radek walked the room at that point and looked at Rodney. The conversation was unspoken. The two men advanced on Kavanaugh, who never saw it coming, and the song played on.

'There's a cat in the kettle at the Peking Moon

I think I gotta stop eatin' there at noon.

They say that it's beef or fish or pork

But it's purrin' there on my fork.

There's a hair-ball on my fork."

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A few minutes later, Sheppard and Lorne were walking down a corridor near the labs. They stopped at the sounds of a fight in one of the labs. They started running. Fights among the scientists were rare, but resulted in several people spending a lot of time in the Infirmary. They might not be military, but they knew how to do a lot of damage.

The door opened before them. Kavanaugh had been tied to a chair with extension cords. Radek and Rodney were beating the crap out of him with covers to computer towers. Lorne and Sheppard looked at each other before wadding in. Each grabbed a scientist and pulled him away from the injured man.

Sheppard was amazed at Rodney's strength. He didn't want to think about what could have happened to Kavanaugh if the two of them hadn't come this way. He pulled Rodney out of the lab, with Lorne and Radek close behind. The two scientists were babbling as Sheppard called for Beckett to come down and see to Kavanaugh's injuries.

Radek was speaking rapidly in Czech and Rodney was complaining loudly that they needed to go back in and finish off Kavanaugh.

Sheppard grabbed Rodney by the arms. "Why were you pounding Kavanaugh?"

Rodney stammered for a moment before hitting the play button on the player. When the song started again, Lorne solved the problem by pulling his sidearm out and shooting the player. The room went silent.

"Thank you Major." Rodney was happy, so was Radek, but Kavanaugh was livid.

"You owe me for a new player! That was a gift!" The man was turning red.

Sheppard picked up a clean rag and stuffed it into Kavanaugh's mouth. "Be quiet!"

At that point, Carson came in. He pulled the gag out of Kavanaugh's mouth and checked him over.

"He will be fine. Nothing serious."

Kavanaugh turned a deeper shade of red. "What do you mean 'nothing serious'? They could have killed me!"

Carson sighed. He didn't want to have to deal with this, but he had to. "They could have, but they didn't. You need to calm down. It isn't good for your blood pressure."

Kavanaugh looked like he was going to erupt. "Here," Carson said picking the gag back up, "this will help you calm down." He stuffed the gag back in Kavanaugh's mouth. The scientist looked outraged.

"Think he will make trouble for us?" Lorne asked.

"Nope!" Sheppard responded. He knelt down next to Kavanaugh. "Can you hear me?"

The other man nodded. "Good. If I hear of a complaint or anything that sounds like you making trouble, I will get Ronon to be your buddy and follow you everywhere. Do you understand?"

Kavanaugh's face went white, but he nodded. "Ok, I am going to take the gag off and untie you. Take the rest of today **and** tomorrow off. I don't want to see you, or I will give the order to Ronon. Ok?"

Kavanaugh looked scared, but nodded. "Good."

He untied Kavanaugh, who ran from the room like the fox running from the hounds. Rodney and Radek gave each other a high five. That is when Sheppard turned on them.

"What were you two thinking? Oh, wait! You weren't thinking! I never want to hear of this sort of thing happening again. Do you understand?"

The two men shook their heads and looked unrepentant.

"Just to let you know what will happen if it does, Rodney, they will never again serve Jello in the Mess, Radek, if the kids on M7G-677 will have a full time scientist. Are you two going to behave from now on?"

They both had gone pale and nodded. "Good. Now go!"

They both ran from the room and quickly disappeared.

"And that is how you handle scientists. Any questions?"

Lorne shook his head and smiled.

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Thank you. I hope you enjoyed this little story.


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